Oester weekend

It seems that mainstream Christians forget that Yeshua wasn’t a Christian. He was of the Hebrew faith. (Pretty sure he never referred to himself as a “Jew”.)

Because Yeshua’s Sabbath began on Friday evening and lasted through Saturday, it’s safe to say that Yeshua was not hanging on a cross until Sunday. If the stories we are told about being up there until the Sabbath are to be believed.

Now, there’s a lot of difference between Jesus and Yeshua, so mainstream Christians are free to do what they want. They haven’t taken vows of poverty, like one would expect from a Yeshua follower, but we have to remember… they don’t actually follow Yeshua.

Modern Christianity is, at best, the following of Paul, a reformed mass murderer.

Easter has been coopted from pre-Abrahamic religions. As has Christmas. I find it funny that Easter/Christmas Christians go to church on the most “pagan” holy-days. But then, the entire religion was coopted from ancient African belief systems, so I guess coopting old European belief systems, too, isn’t that big a deal.

Yeshua would likely be appalled to see what’s been done in his name through the ages. But, I’d just remind him that it hasn’t really been in his name. It’s been done in Jesus’s name.

I wonder if that would make a difference to him.

Happy Oester!

not my story

All my life, I thought I was living my own story. But…

What happens when I realize I’m actually living God’s story?

A few realizations come out of this Great Realization. First of all, I finally accept that none of this is mine to hold.

This weight I’ve been carrying around? It’s not even mine! I can give it to whom it truly belongs. Now, I’m free. This isn’t even my story.

This guilt, this envy, this misunderstanding? I can put it all down. It’s not even mine, because… this isn’t even my story.

This story I call myself living belongs to no one but The Most High. I’m simply the vessel, the temple, the one sitting in the throne.

People often misunderstand what thrones are. They think thrones are the seat of power, but thrones ARE the power. This comes from a long history of worship of The Feminine Divine, actually.

She was the throne, and who ever sat in Her was in power because Her power now coursed through them. This is how the concept of kings came about. The men wanted to possess the power that had previously only belonged to women.

We see the remnants of this in the Hebrew faith and we see a reclaiming of this in Yeshua’s life. So much attention is given to His presumably male disciples, but he was taken care of (monetarily, spiritually, physically, etc.) by the women. It was the women who made His ministry possible and He acknowledged them and blessed them continuously.

When I think of my life, how do I fit into that story?

One reason I do not claim to be Christian is because I don’t claim the limitations of Christianity. I follow The Way, not Christianity. The Way is the story of God; Christianity is the story of men. (Problematic men, if we’re honest. )

My story could be the story of men, too. But, when I awaken from a dream and God tells me to “rise”, I know there is more to my story than that of men. My story is of The Creator, not the creation.

So, what men have done must not be my story.

The love, passion, and freedom I embody when I realize this life is not my story is incredible. I encourage you to try it yourself. Acknowledge that this isn’t your story and see what happens.

Acknowledge that you aren’t writing this story. Acknowledge that you aren’t in control of your life. Acknowledge that you aren’t the origin of your life.

And get to know Who is.

This is The Way. The only way.


Dance for your God

Religion. It’s a full sentence, and I mean that in a couple ways.

I am descended from deeply spiritual people who were forced into a bad version of Christianity. I don’t think most people with certain Indigenous or African roots realize how deeply spiritual their ancestors were.

Sometimes, when I pray, my ancestors push into me and I start dancing and chanting and it never wants to end. Never.

I know my ancestors spent hours upon hours in reverent dancing and chanting… real worship. When it pushes into me, I can see them dancing. Dancing with the trees, dancing with one another.

The women. Do you know how much endurance they had?

If you’ve studied American slavery, you must have some idea. What other peoples, than African peoples, could have endured that level of torture and still built families and cultures?

None. This is a fact, not a desire to glorify those who were vilified by European Americans.

Africans weren’t the first attempt at American slavery. My Indigenous Cherokee ancestors were used beforehand. They died, they ran off, they rescued their people. This was their home and the trees were thick and on their side. And, they could not keep up with that level of monstrosity. They could not endure.

Bringing Africans here and using them was strategic. They knew the plants, they were physically larger and stronger, they were masters of so many skills. Entire civilizations of the type admired by Europeans had been built by them. European knowledge had come from them. Africa just worked better as the foundation for a new country.

Who else has that level of strength, power, and endurance?

Sometimes, I imagine what America would look like if those of us who descend from African ancestors threw off the yoke of Abrahamic religion.

I see a lot of dancing.

This world praises us for dancing and singing in the name of capitalism. Imagine if we did it only in the name of Source.

I dance and chant and hear the drumming.

I’ve heard true drumming in California, but mainly in my bedroom. The ancestral drumming that entrances you and keeps you moving. The drumming that shapes your body’s movements, so that the energy released by the drum finds companionship in your legs, hips, arms, and legs. They are in harmony.

This kind of drumming and dancing helps you understand a basic truth about life: though the energy manifests in different methods, it is the same energy.

With my ancestors, males come through as well as females. I know what it means to say we are all one.

And, yet, the variety in our representation… this is beautiful and extremely significant.

Just as Source is multifaceted, so are we. Of course. Because we are merely (and significantly) representations of Source.

3 persons in 1.
99 names.
1000s of names.

All represent the same energy. And people get so caught up in their beliefs, the face they’ve given Source, that they miss that they are surrounded by all the other faces of Source.

Yeshua said to love your neighbor as yourself because your neighbor is yourself. To think you can separate the colors the prism creates just because you have a preference for certain colors is not only ignorant, but dangerous.

I often wonder how many religious people know how dangerous and inherently violent they are, simply because of the beliefs they embody.

Your beliefs can turn you into a sword. And because your belief system is so messed up, you’ll convince yourself it’s good to be a sword.

This is the inherent danger of religion.

But when the dance takes over…


may I call you Harriet?

Have you ever known someone who has been in therapy for many years and still seems stuck on the same pain?

I have found that the desire to hold onto pain is often much greater than the desire to relinquish it. This is often due to fear. Who am I without this thought? How will I keep myself safe if I don’t behave this way? This is often due to confusion. I want to change, but I really don’t understand what you mean when you say I don’t have to live this way. This is often due to a true inability to move beyond what happened. I have to remain vigilant or it will happen, again. When you talk to me like that, I feel it all over, again.

The number one roadblock to healing is the way we have set up society.

When people have to worry about where their next meal is coming from or how they can keep a roof over their heads, it’s challenging to really dig into the work of healing. Luckily, I get little reminders of that sometimes. I will be happily trucking along and I slam up against communal rage and pain. I’ll forget to keep myself in my protective bubble and I’ll start taking on the dominant feelings around me. Lately, those feelings have been rage and depression and deep, deep grief.

When the world cries, I cry with her.

The other day, I was lost to despair and I felt annoyed by it. I used to be happy. What had happened to me?

Connection had happened to me. I am connected to all of us and so many of us are in pain. Who am I to remove myself? We are all one, whether we realize it or not.

One day, as I sat asking myself what was truly happening within me, I realized that this grief and depression that felt so heavy and real was not even mine. In my moment of deep questioning and close observation, I was able to shake free of the glum feelings that had overtaken me. I remembered who I really was.

Sometimes, I find myself pondering how I would be different if I had never known grief. Would I be able to do this work? Can someone who has never suffered assist someone else as they feel around in the darkness of their mind? Someone who has never experienced tragedy cannot know what to do to move beyond it and stay there. This is probably why so many people who have experienced deep sorrow and trauma become therapists and healers.

The trouble comes when someone who has not also known bliss is trying to guide someone out of their personal darkness. If you have not genuinely experienced the light, if you have not found it from a variety of littered paths, how do you know you’re actually helping the other person?

In 2011, I renewed my vow to be of service to humanity, because I knew that it’s easier for people to take your hand when they know you are with them. This is a tricky tendency among the wounded: they rarely trust those who have healed. They can’t relate. Even if they say they want a guru, they will find the one with the most troublesome past to overlook, the most nebulous life to look into.

We fall in love with who we are in others. No matter how that looks.

I am no stranger to the abyss and I am thankful for the occasional reminders of just how deep and dark it is, lest I begin to romanticize healing.

But once you know the way out, you only go there to help others find their way out. We each become Harriet Tubman on the Underground Railroad to our personal freedoms, returning many times to help all those who also realize they are ensnared.

May it always be so.


they say
the brokenness is where
the light gets in
you only ever looked at
with the wrong eyes.

the wound is where
dont be so quick to

you have waited your
for moments such as
dont come often or
how lucky for
that you have
into so
gaze upon the
escaping to the dark places
of the world
what you are.

star light cannot be contained
and you
my beloved
are star in human form,
containing every element
every state.
the craters
the highs
the valleys
the mountains
they are not enough encumbrance
the terrain of
was not created for

the cracks are where
the light
and you bemoan
only because you have forgotten
stars share their light
long after they are
and covet not the
of labor and intention.

your light burns
and singes
what you believe to be
dont scar too quickly
and believe me when i tell you that
the wound is where the
and we delight
in your

9 books for your healing journey

Healing is a full-time job.

I’m sure you realize that. Maybe that’s why you don’t prioritize it, yet. Maybe that’s why you feel overwhelmed by it. Maybe that’s why you gave up everything to pursue it.

We all heal in our own ways and in our time.

At one point, I walked away from everything I knew and loved in order to heal. I wanted to make sure I was prepared for when the future needed me.

I had started my healing journey long before that, though. We like to think of the momentous decisions as “the healing beginning”, but when we think about it, we were opening space inside of us or challenging old habits and thoughts long before we saw evidence that we were changing.

Here are 9 book titles that are potentially life-changing. They offer different perspectives than the few that are most often regurgitated in our cultures. They talk about the power YOU have to create the life YOU want… and not in a monetary way.

Ready to blow your own mind? Here we go:

1. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. This is an easy, quick read with a deep, profound message. Excerpt:

Humans agree to help each other suffer. If you have the need to be abused, you will find it easy to be abused by others. Likewise, if you are with people who need to suffer, something in you makes you abuse them.

2. Loving What Is by Byron Katie. This books shares an inquiry process. Excerpt:

If you think that alcohol makes you sick or confused or angry, then when you drink it, it’s as if you’re drinking your own disease. You’re meeting alcohol where it is, and it does exactly what you know it will do. So we investigate the thinking, not in order to stop drinking, but simply to end any confusion about what alcohol will do.

3. A Course in Miracles by Foundation for Inner Peace. This can be found in multiple volumes or a combined volume. Many groups exist around the world to go through this book together because it is a deep and intense work. Excerpt:

The world you see is but the idle witness that you were right. This witness is insane. You trained it in its testimony, and as it gave it back to you, you listened and convinced yourself that what it saw was true. You did this to yourself.

4. Succulent Wild Woman by SARK. This artistic book is fun and affirming. Excerpt:

Creative exploration will always result in mistakes, and if we fear those, we risk paralysis and a numb “good girl” mentality. Our morality may guide us in our sexual exploration. Is your morality yours, or the regurgitation of parents’ and/or religious beliefs?

5. Crystal Woman by Lynn V. Andrews. This is one book in a series about a woman’s adventures into her calling and shamanism. Better than fiction! This book is too full of magick to share an excerpt. You’re just going to have to read it for yourself, if you’re ready.

6. Finding Your Way in a Wild New World by Martha Beck. This is a “how to” book for journeying back to yourself. Lots of magick here, too. Excerpt:

After returning from Rwanda, I met with several of “my” master coaches (born wayfinders all) to discuss new ways we could earn a living doing exactly what we damn well please. I couldn’t help noticing that several of these people looked like they’d been enhanced with Photoshop. They were all glowy: their skin was clear, their eyes were radiant, and they seemed to have the continuous, resilient energy of small children. They happily chatted about the magic that had wrought this rejuvenation. Two words: green smoothies.

This cracks me up! Such a great way to lead into the smoothie life. Okay, moving on…

7. Pranic Healing by Choa Kok Sui. If you can find this book for a reasonable price or you are financially wealthy, buy this book. It will serve you for the rest of your life. This is a book about how to free the energy healer inside of you. Excerpt:

 A cancerous organ or part is clairvoyantly seen as dark muddy yellow and red. There is too much yellow and red prana in the affected area, resulting in the rampant growth of cancerous cells. This condition is brought about by an overactivated basic chakra, meng mein chakra, and solar plexus chakra. Although these chakras are overactivated, they are very depleted.

8. Plant Spirit Medicine by Eliot Cowan. This book centers on the energetic and spiritual offerings of plants, taking a few steps beyond herbalism. Excerpt:

Obviously plants do not have kidneys and bladders, but they store fluids and harbor the mysterious life spring just as we do. What is more, they will bring peace to our waters if we ask them to.

9. The Complete Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. This is another book that has inspired many groups as a sojourning tool. It is three books in one and guides the creative-spiritual connection. Excerpt:

By letting our soul speak first thing in the morning, we align ourselves with the Great Creator. Over the years, I have come to consider Morning Pages to be a valid form of meditation, perhaps a form uniquely suited to hyperactive Westerners.

Within these 9 books, you will find almost all the healing opportunities you require from a cerebral and physical perspective. I wish you well.

alright, stop what you’re doin’

cuz I’m about to ruin
the image and the style that you’re used to.
I look funny,
but, yo, I”m makin’ money, see,
so, yo world, I hope you’re ready for me.
Now, gather ’round,
I’m the new fool in town
and my sound’s laid down by the Underground.
I drank up all the Hennessy you got on your shelf,
so just let me introduce myself…

Everything above this line are someone else’s words and I’m operating from memory, so I hope I got them all correct. The words are probably copyright Digital Underground or someone from the group and/or some writer they worked with. Just so you know. Not my words, at all, and they don’t belong to me.

This was one of my fave songs as a teenager, though. ‘Humpty Dance’ was a riot, and even though my friend and I had no context for anything the guy was rapping about, we loved the song.

I remember one part, in particular, that we could not understand, no matter how many times we listened. The Hennessy line above. We had no idea what Hennessy was. Never heard of it, never saw it. We lived in a sheltered, religious, suburban world. Our parents didn’t drink and we didn’t hang around other youth who had parents who drank.

I remember rewinding the tape over and over, again, as we tried to make out what the rapper was saying. We finally settled on “heavy C”, even though it made no sense. The real lyrics didn’t make sense to us, either, so we just put in what we thought we were hearing. It was rap. Rap often made no sense to us.

We kept listening to it, though. I’m not sure why. Maybe the beats got to us. I remember listening to Tribe Called Quest daily. I remember sitting with the same friend and writing out the lyrics, because we just had to memorize a particular song and, honestly, we had no idea if Q-Tip was even speaking English sometimes.

I was in my 30s before I knew exactly what Digital Underground and Tribe Called Quest were talking about in many of their songs. Their music wasn’t made for girls like my friend and I, but we poured over it and loved it, anyway.

That’s how much of life is, isn’t it?

Often, we move through this world having no idea what’s really going on, but we love it, anyway.

We have no idea what folks are talking about, but we love hearing them talk, anyway.

Attraction works like that. You don’t know why you’re attracted. Maybe if you could figure it out, you’d turn the attraction off. Instead, you just feel the way you feel and do your best to muddle through any confusion. Maybe you adjust your perceptions, just so you can feel like you made a little sense of what’s happening.

And, maybe it will take you over a decade to decode things. Maybe, like me as a teen, you make up words for the bits you don’t understand and you keep moving. Life is too busy to stop and research what’s going on. There’s really no one to ask. There’s no Google for real life and real problems, right? You just figure out what you can and move it along. You do your best.

It’s okay that you’ve been doing that. It’s okay that you didn’t have the time or the energy or the desire to figure out the truth back then. Perfectly okay. The world did not stop spinning just because you didn’t know what was going on. That’s as it should be.

But, in this moment… breathe in.

And, in this moment… breathe out.

Keep breathing, keep living in the moment.

The past is gone. That confusion happened. But, if you stop what you’re doing now, you’ll be amazed by what you are able to understand.

let freedom ring

We live in precarious times.

Well, the times are always precarious, since time isn’t really real. I mean, we invented clocks and telling time and calendars and gave more meaning to the rotation of the Earth than maybe was initially intended, so time is always precarious.

What I mean is that we live in precarious governments.

I was once mistaken for a refugee. In my own country! I am a natural USA citizen and for a couple of years, I lived in a small city with a large refugee population. I loved it! I was able to hear various languages and see humans of various skin tones as I wandered the city, and that always feels very good to me.

Then, some “white” couple saw me walking down the street and spoke to me in French. It just so happened that most of the city’s refugee population were from African nations that had been colonized by France. I was appalled that the descendants of the European colonizers of my homeland would think me to be an African refugee. I yelled at them that I was an American and kept walking. I’m sure they were in shock.

I was angry about this for at least 2 years.

Lately, in the USA and Europe, there is a lot more talk about immigrants and refugees. Most of the people we Americans want to think of as immigrants are refugees and also have more historical ties and right to be on American soil than the descendants of colonizers who are so determined to keep them out. The entire argument of the colonizer descendants hinges on this: we don’t want to be outnumbered. But, the only reason they can pretend they aren’t already outnumbered is because they have no problem killing and imprisoning everyone. This is the legacy of their ancestors and the truth they live in daily.

Every day, it seems the USA is getting further away from freedom after a couple decades spent trying to inch closer to it. “Liberty” used to be an important American word. Now, we use variants of it to discredit and defame people. Who in the world, in a country that claims to value freedom, would find “liberal” to be an insult?

More and more, we are faced with the insanity of racism/white supremacy. Every day, we must confront how illogical and irrational ideas based solely on the social fiction of race are and how to manage when most of our gatekeepers are afraid of everything.

Fear is pervasive. It’s the fastest-spreading contagion in the world right now. And, there is no vaccine for it. Sorry! We’re going to have to stop relying on our “scientific advances” and get really honest about what it means to be human.

As an American who is well aware of how problematic people of European descent have always been for this land that my ancestors allegedly called Turtle Island, I feel sad at times. There isn’t much one can do against insanity. When people are insane, they are dangerous and incapable of being reasoned with. The best you can do is stay away from them.

But, we are living in the zombie apocalypse. Insane people are literally everywhere.

This isn’t a partisan issue. Never in my lifetime has it been so clear that both major American political parties are horrible for the American public. And, most Americans I speak with accept this truth, yet they will still only vote for either the Democrat or Republican candidates.

They have the fear. It’s contagious and it wipes out all symptoms of the freedom.

What’s the solution, you ask? Obviously, we must sit down and shut up. All of us. Meditate, contemplate, and re-calibrate.

But, good luck with that. We’re too worried about our other social fictions called “bills” and “money” to do anything real in this world.

And, so the madness continues.

you are now in hive mind

I’ve been doing this work a long, long time.

What work is that? you ask.

I’ve been doing the work of spiritual integration.

I call myself a transformation coach, because I am in the work of transformation. Not simple transformation, where one goes from one state to another. I think of the butterfly analogy so many of us love when I think of regular, old transformation. Look, the caterpillar became a butterfly! Yes, it did. But that’s not all that happened.

All that nasty stuff happening inside the chrysalis? That’s where I come in. I’m not interested in turning caterpillars into butterflies. That kind of transformation is not in my hands. But all the inside nastiness, the melting of the physical body, the complete loss of one’s former identity…that’s the stuff I can help with.

I think many people associate transmutation with transformation and the two don’t really have anything to do with one another. Transmutation is changing negative into positive. Transformation is understanding there is no negative or positive, only illusion/delusion and the waking up from it.

Ultimately, those who seek clarity will go through the process of transformation, with or without coaching support. Those who seek reality will transform. The butterfly analogy is quite unfair, really. Both the caterpillar and the butterfly already live in reality.

The other day, a friend shared a dream she had. I shared a similar dream I’d had the night before. I told her the dreams felt collective and wondered how many others had had a similar dream over those couple of days. She reached out to another friend and found out that friend had also had a similar dream.

As a dreamwalker, I know that dreams are not as personal as many of us like to believe. In my life, dreams often teach me. They tell me what’s going to happen in the future (often years ahead of time), they tell me what’s happening in the present (especially if there is conflict happening behind the scenes that I need to be mindful of ), and they give me insight into what humanity is processing as a whole.

Collectively, we are processing a lot of energetic turmoil. The times we are currently in remind me, energetically, of the 1960s. During that decade, people all around the world were waking up to how little power they had in the systems around them and they were demanding more. This was a world-wide phenomenon; a collective awakening.

Today, we are in the midst of another collective awakening and I will tell you why: we never finished the work from the 1960s. We became afraid, we became drug addicts, we became stagnant. But, the work is never over until it is. In transformation work, this is always true: you will keep getting presented with opportunities until you take them and keep doing your work. Doing anything halfway is fine. It can be part of your process. No one gets to judge your process.

But process means the work is not over.

A lot of leaders, especially spiritual leaders, will focus upon transmutation right now. They will encourage us to attempt to step out of the pain and into the glory. But, what about all the inner messiness that occurs in-between pain and glory? What about all the pain and sadness and anger and hopelessness and guilt and shame that needs to be part of the process? That feeds the process? If we just transmute it, we don’t integrate the lessons. We don’t actually do the work.

Your emotions are not simply “bad” feelings. Your emotions are teachers. They are neither bad nor good. They are information.

When you turn away from the information in your life, can you actually change anything?

I think the 60s are calling. Maybe we need to stop trying to “transmute that shit” and pick up the phone.